Tantrums

Well, if anyone knows my daughter, you know that she's the Queen of Tantrums.  She always has been.  I lie, she was great for the first 4 days and then the screaming ensued.

It did get better as she could talk a little more, but for the most part, it's a daily thing.  I used to think that tantrums were a lot to do with bad parenting.  Well, I still think it is sometimes, but not always.  I don't give into her.  I don't bribe her. I ignore her as much as I can. I've tried pretty much everything in the book.  Apart from sniffing fruit scented stuff which is supposed to stop the tantrum in about 5 seconds (google it...).  I might have tantrums too if it meant that I get to sniff yummy stuff....

It's been insanely bad since Jeremy left.

For instance, I was out for dinner at Red Lobster with Chelsey the other night.  We went early so that the kids wouldn't be starving.  She ate well, then decided she was done and started screaming uncontrolably.

Now when I say she screams, I'm not kidding.  There's no talking her down.  There's no cuddling her.  There's no stopping her until she's done....and these tantrums can last over an hour.  Sometimes two hours.  The more I try to intervene, the worse it gets. 

She usually goes into her room and shuts her door, which has a kiddie lock on it so I can open it from the outside but she can't open the door - I would never get any sleep if she could get out of her room at night. She will scream, cry, beat the door, yell...until she finally gives up.

I understand that she is having a hard time with Jeremy being gone, and that she just doesn't understand where he is.  She thinks he's still in an airplane.  And he told her he would be back to take her trick or treating, so she keeps asking if its Haloween yet. I get it. It stinks for her, but there comes a point where she just needs to learn how to deal with it, but these tantrums aren't the way. I need to be able to take her places like the grocery store without her melting down.

So in desparation I emptied her bedroom.  She has a bed, her blanky, bears and pillow. Everything else is in my room with my door locked. She was really good when we went out yesterday so she earned some toys back.  Until this morning when the tantrums started at 6am and didn't stop until an hour after we took Mikey to school.  Needless to say, she lost those toys again.

I'm starting to see some progress.  If she starts I can just ask her if she wants to go into her room...with nothing in it, and that can sometimes get her to stop and reconsider. Other times she goes into her room, slamming the door behind her and I just have to let her have at it until she calms down. If she can go a decent ammount of time, especially out in public I'll reward her with some toys back, and take them back if she regresses. And hopefully she will decide not to have the tantrums at all if she doesn't want to get stuck in her room.  It's not going to happen over night, but I remain hopeful.

I may be doing things completely "wrong", but I do believe that kids need to let things out, and they don't have the verbal skills that adults have. So I hope that I am teaching her how and when to let it out, and that when she calms down I will love her and hug her like it never happened.

Being a parent is so hard!!