Censoring

There's been a few events in the past few weeks that have rocked me to my core. 

* The earthquake in New Zealand where I was worried about the safety of my friends and family, and then seeing the devastation of Christchurch.

* The murder of my friends father.

* The earthquake and subsequent tsunami in Japan.  Although I was horrified watching the images on TV, I didn't stop to think that I would know anyone there.  Until I got the text from my mother-in-law saying that Ronnie was safe.  He's my mother-in-laws cousin who lives down in Deltona. But he's been working in the airline industry in Japan, and was in Narita during the earthquake. 

"We were in the Japan Airlines maintenance hangar when the shaking started, and it kept on shaking and rolling. It was a very long quake and I would say it was over 3 minutes long maybe up to 4 minutes. The hangar floor was rolling left and right, and up and down.

There was a Boeing 777-300 in the hangar and it was moving about 3 foot side to side and up and down. This is a very big hangar and it was shaking violently, but the one thing that really struck me as different was the pressure wave. The wind was blowing and my ears popped several times during the quake.

 



After the quake, we made it back to the hotel which is new and is constructed to withstand large earthquakes. We are safe in the hotel but because it sits on springs and rubber shocks anytime the earth moves just a little bit the hotel sways and rocks back and forth. This is very un-nerving and does not make for comfortable sleeping".

 

We know he is safe. The embassy knows where he is, but we want him home where he's far away from the Nuclear Reactors.  But he's safe.

The thing with these events is that I can talk about them.  If I'm upset I can pick up the phone and talk it out, or write about it on here.  I don't have to worry about someone getting hurt or being put in danger by what I say. 

But as a military wife, there are just some things you can't do or say.  You're always aware that the wrong person may hear or see something that you've communicated about and use it against you, or others. There are a lot of bumper stickers and magnets for cars available that I used to think were super cute when I was younger, but now I see it as a bit irresponsible.  It's like advertising that you're soldier is gone and an invitation for someone to follow you home and....well yeah, you can only image what could happen as a result.

You can't tell people when your soldier is coming home (mostly because you have no clue) but if you did know the time or date, and the wrong person gets that information, then it's jeopardising the safety of hundreds.  You can't give out details of things which have occured.  I can't just pick up the phone or call people about something that has happened.  There are some things that soldiers just can't tell you, which just leaves you hanging.

It's like you live part of your life under censorship.  Sometimes you know something and you think you are about to explode without letting it out and having someone talk you through things, or even just to empathise or just understand what you're going through. You just want to scream and let it out.

But you can't.

You have to just hold it in and process things the best that you can. And then pray.  There's nothing more you can do. 

* <event number 4>

All I can tell you is that everything is fine for my family.  We're OK. And that I have reinforced that I will never take things for granted.