Week 2!

Today I did the Couch to 5K, Week 2.  My shin splints suck - they could be worse, but the actual run was much better.  I have also discovered that it is much easier to run without the dog, but the dog is mad at me.  He loves going with me so much and will follow me closely in excitement until I clip his leash on.  Today I just about shut his nose in the door way on my way out.  He really thought he was coming with me. 

I'll have to take a break tomorrow as I'll have both kids home with the 4 day weekend, and I'll be getting the van back (with luck).  We took it in to get repaired after the lady rear-ended us.  She's officially been found at fault, but our insurance company is still trying to contact the owner of the vehicle to accept responsibility.

This HHR we've been driving as a rental is so not working for me.  While unlocking Mikey's door at school I knocked the horn so I completely lost cool points there. Mental Note: Tall people should not drive little cars.

Jeremy is heading to Boston tomorrow morning for a week which means silent evenings for me.  I've got pretty used to him being home, so I'm not sure I'll like it.  It's going to be a week of pizza, soup and grilled cheese and burgers for the kids, and I dunno...salad for me.

Frustration

So, it's been a few months since my husband got home, and with that came a common complaint: weight gain.  Now, I'd worked my butt off to take 10 lbs off when he was gone, and now it's all back.  Grrrrr. 

So about 1 1/2 weeks ago I decided enough is enough, and started working out.  I went out and got the Perfect Abs machine.  I have issues doing crunches because it hurts my neck and back.  But with this machine it gets me in the right position and supports my neck.  So I get an effective workout, and I don't have that additional pain.  I have also been doing the 30 Day Shred every night (I'm on Level 2 now), and I've been doing the Couch to 5K again.  On my off running days I've been doing bike rides or walking the dog.  But I had to take a little rest from running as I was getting shin splints.

You would think that doing all that, plus tracking calories that I would lose some weight.  NO!!  Nothing!!  In 2 weeks NOTHING!! I don't understand.  I really don't .  It's so frustrating. What am I doing wrong.  I've gone from doing not much at all, to doing some form of exercise 3 times a day and I've seen no change!! The exercise is getting easier so I know I'm doing something, but why won't my body change??

I'm going to try to keep it up, but I'm hurt.

Halloween Evenings

I'm not really a fan of scary movies.  At all.  Sometimes I don't mind funny, "scary" movies, but I just don't like being scared, and mostly I think they are stupid. Each to their own though.  

But one thing I LOVE about Halloween is the kids shows and movies.  I've had to watch the Dora Trick or Treat episode a million times over the past 5 years, and I can't say I mind.  It's fun watching little Mikey watch it and interact and now it's Mia watching it and singing along.  (And Mikey too - he was off school today and happily watched Dora with Mia.)  

My personal favorite is Spookly the Square Pumpkin.  For starters, he is adorable, and it makes me want my own square pumpkin.  He's the outcast of the patch because he's square, and he tries to compete in the Jack A Lympics to be the best in patch.  But the contests are designed more for round pumpkins.  He's got 3 spiders helping him out called Edgar, Allen and Poe (teehee).  And at the end of the movie Spookly saves the day and all is well.  It's really sweet actually.  But the best part is snuggling on the couch with the kids, Halloween cake baking and just having a good time together.  In fact, that's what we're doing right now.

My AFS Year

During my last year of high school I left to go to Sweden for a year. It really was the best year of my life and changed me a lot. Before I left, I was the quiet music geek who was over-protected.  If it wasn't related to music or theater, you wouldn't find me there after school.  But in August 1997 I left for Sweden.

My first impression was me wondering why there were Swedish flags everywhere.  I found out later that it was because it was a national holiday. And flying over Sweden you will see some of the most breathtaking scenery.  

My first family didn't really work out well.  I lived in this 4 story building in the middle of nowhere that was being restored. It was an old orphanage and heavens only knows what else it was in the past.  Very creepy to say the least.  And they owned horses which were pretty cool actually. It just wasn't working out for me, but I did wind up with the best host family known to man once I moved into Karlstad.

To this day I still miss Pappa sitting down and explaining things to me.  Both in Swedish and in English.  I appreciate so much how he would tell me how it is, and then take the time to explain why things are the way they are. He really opened my eyes to some issues, both political and cultural which have really shaped the way I view things.  (And is the reason why my kids are going to be out of the house when they finish High School).

Mamma was the best cook ever! I can't wait until I can take my family there and we can all cook and eat together - I know her and Jeremy would have a blast together.  And secretly I hope he learns how to make the Cod dish with carrots and leeks because it was delicious and I miss it. And she always managed to make holidays so special with all the traditions, songs, meals, stories. 

And then there were my siblings.  My little brother towered over me last time I saw him which freaked me out, and Martin has 3 adorable kids now too.  And Helena really is just like my sister....we even bickered over how to cut carrots when she was visiting in New Zealand.  Fun times. I can just imagine all our kids getting together now.

I don't what has got me thinking of Sweden today.  I'm getting updates from AFS about all these people who are having the time of their lives now, and how decades later they still value their experiences. There are so many things I screwed up when I was there that I wish I could change.  But I can't dwell on it.  Thanks to Facebook I still have contact people I met over there, and Maggie and I are still close. And yes, I never really did reintergrate back into New Zealand - I had a wicked case of reverse culture shock.  I've only lived at "home" for 4 years since leaving Sweden in June 1998. This probably contributes to my feelings of not fitting in back home anymore.

I'm still the shy kid, but at least I'm the well traveled geek.  I've had so many experiences in that one year of my life which has helped me survive 3 deployments in America, and given me a lot of strength and insight. And maybe it's time to return "home" soon.  And to start brushing up on my Swedish.....

So remember a few weeks ago....

I posted about hating couponers at the grocery store.  Well, not that I have the time and energy to go extreme, but I have made a coupon folder in the past few weeks, and today Jeremy and I are going to........A Couponing Class!!!  

So, the story with the couponing folder is that it's actually a lot easier than one of those coupon wallet things - you can lay it all out in front of you and see them all, without having to stop and sort through them all.  Time saver.  

And the couponing class is free and we get an hour or so away from the kids.  And everyone wants to save some money.  I still maintain that I will never be extreme since I have no need to buy 50 of some items, I don't want a massive stockpile, and we don't eat a whole lot of junk food.  But if we can save money on cleaning supplies and canned goods, dairy products etc then it may be worth it.  And if it doesn't help, then it didn't cost us anything.

Anyway, yesterday Jeremy and I did something very scary and grown up.  We picked out a granite slab that will eventually be our kitchen countertop. Now, I don't know how many of you have actually gone and looked at granite, but it's very overwhelming and well....if you make a mistake it's an extremely expensive mistake.  There are grades varying from grade 1 to exotic.  Level 1 is very common, and the patterns and colors get more intricate and complex due to the patterns and rarity.  Apparently I have an eye for the exotic ones.  Then you have to take into account your floor color, backsplash color, your wall color, your cabinet color, and the color the person who buys the house next may like.  Then there are the patterns that looks like patterned tortishell cats, or look like a paintbrush have been flicked at it; larger uniform patterns; patterns with movement......AAAAAAaaaaaarrrrggghhh!! Talk about stressful! 

So we ended up picking out a level 5 granite which was about $700 more than a level 1, but nothing really did it for me.  And when it comes down to it, what's $700 more when we are paying out the ass for a new kitchen anyhow.  I may as well love what I get.  Right? So we got one which has a pale green, beige and brown which is relatively light which has both pattern and movement in it.  It really is beautiful, and I hope that it looks right in our kitchen.  I hope, I hope, I hope.  The check is written to finish the cabinets which is by far the largest check we have ever written.  I don't want to think about it.  It makes me ill.  Just hopefully in a few years when we sell the house and PCS again that it will increase our property value, and help the house to sell quickly.  And at least we have a few years to really enjoy it.  Let's face it, I hate it for people when they make all these improvements on their houses just to sell it, when they could have enjoyed the fruits of their labor years ago.

So now you all know why we need to go to this couponing class.  We'll need it to avoid ramen noodle dinners for the next few months.  OK, so that statement is a little on the dramatic side but you know what I mean.

I get it - I'm a slacker

I just haven't had much to say lately.  But I have been happy.  Nothing in particular has been bothering me.  That's a good thing though!  

I've been kept busy with our kitchen remodel which is halfway done right now.  We had the top cabinets removed and replaced (minus one by the microwave which he forgot to order.  I think its funny so it doesn't bother me). They are a dark espresso color, and we've added a pantry and I am in love with them!!  Tomorrow we go to pick out our granite which I'm a bit nervous about - it's an expensive decision.  It took me 5 years to pick out paint colors.  I'm thinking we need to go somewhat light because it will be too dark with the cabinets otherwise, and with a gold/brown/green speckle in it to highlight the paint.  But a neutral enough color that it works for the next people who live in the house. I can't wait for the kitchen to be done!!

Mia is sick yet again.  She's had issues with allergies since she was a little baby, although we've been through all the allergy testing and nothing came out of that.  She gets a lot of ear infections and some of them are pretty bad.  Like this one.  She was fine on Tuesday night, but woke up Wednesday morning with a fever and some vomiting.  She spent the day snuggled on me and asleep, wouldn't leave my side. She wouldn't drink or eat, meaning she wasn't peeing.  And at one stage she said her head hurt. I thought in the morning that I would just wait it out, but towards the end of the day my instincts told me to take her in to the AMIC clinic.  The doctor was so rude to me, talking to me like I was stupid, that she didn't have a fever and that I brought her in for a common cold.  He even laughed me off when I said she had a history of ear infections.  Sure enough she did have an ear infection which was pretty damn nasty - had I left it, her ear drums may have burst.  She couldn't leave until she could keep down some Pedialite, which she was refusing.  If she hadn't drank it she would have been sent to the ER. Fortunately I bribed her with watching Tinkerbell in the car, she kept it down and we're at home.  I'm not a doctor, but I'm thinking tubes for her ears may be in her future, and we have to find some way of controlling her allergies. Maybe I do need to do more research into gluten free diets.

So, I'm also a minivan Mom now.  Shudder.  So there were great deals with the end of year closeouts, and the Pilot just wasn't working for us anymore.  We only owed $2000 on it, it needed $2000 in repairs.  It wouldn't fit Charlie and luggage for us to take it to Florida which means for Christmas we would have to either take two cars, fly and board Charlie or some other expensive solution.  And as much as I would love a Suburban or Yukon, I just wasn't willing to spend that much  money on it.   So we got a great deal on a 2011 Dodge Grand Caravan RT.  It's totally souped up with leather seats, captains chairs for the kids, heated seats and steering wheel, navigation, hands free phone, satellite radio, TV in the back...you get the idea.  It's actually REALLY nice.  And Charlie doesn't mind it so much either. And the kids love it too.  So yeah, the only thing I don't like is that it's a minivan, but if minivans are as nice as ours, I'm OK with it.

My next mission is to be inspired to decorate for fall, so watch this space.  Maybe I'll get crafty....

Time to breathe...

I have been ridiculously busy the last few weeks with school starting, the change of command, lunches, cub scouts, Mikey's homework and travel.  I really feel like a taxi driver, and messenger and slave.  So today it's a total nothing day and I have time to breathe.

Mikey's 7th birthday was yesterday.  He had cupcakes at school, and then had a party at Chuck E Cheese.  Only 4 kids showed, and one was very late.  Just one of the 8 kids from his class came which he told me made him sad.  But he had a fabulous time anyhow. And the kids who were there got more tokens to use so no biggie.  Chuck E Cheese is usually enough to give me a panic attack at the mere thought of it, but it really wasn't bad at all and the hostess was great.  Even Mia had the time of her life.  

I have felt pretty uninspired lately, and thanks to some friends I have discovered www.pinterest.com.  This website is amazing. You can repin things that other people have found and you can save it onto your online noteboards, and by clicking on the picture it will take you back to the original website.  So all those recipes that you find and can never find again - pin it to your noteboard.  See some cute clothes - pin it.  Cute crafts or inspirations for your home decor - pin it!  So far I have used one of the recipes that my husband drooled over - a Chicken and Spinach pasta dish.  Holy crap was it ever amazing. So I'm happy to find ideas of what I can make, do and dream about without knowing what to search for.

And today I was frustrated because I have coupons out the ying yang and if you have read my previous post, I get mad at having to search around to find coupons when I'm at the store.  So using my powers of inspiration, I made my own coupon binder.  I used Jeremy's baseball card protectors and divided them up according to grocery groups - hygiene, dairy, cleaning etc.  Then I spent my afternoon putting them in the card slots.  So now I can be in an aisle, flip to that section and have my coupons right in front of me and all sorted out.  Very simple so I hope it works out right.

A girl I know here at Bragg makes custom sewing work.  I've used her to get a Tinkerbell Crayon Roll for Mia, and Baby blankets and burp cloths for Maggie's baby.  So here in a week or so I plan on ordering custom hair clips for Fall and Halloween for Mia as well as custom binder covers. She is so talented - you can find her under Adalyn's Closet on Facebook.  So between pinterest.com and Adalyn's Closet, I plan of having all my Christmas gifts custom made this year.  I can find ideas on pinterest, and have Adalyn's Closet make it...if I can't. Which I bet I can't do.

Our...ahem...race....

So my family were really looking forward to the NASCAR Sprint Cup race at Atlanta Motor Speedway over Labor Weekend.  We haven't gone too many places since Jeremy got home, and most of my summer was based around Mikey's doctor appointments so we didn't do a whole lot either.

We really wanted a nice vacation, and we got it too.  We ate at Fat Matt's which is a great BBQ restaurant in downtown Atlanta, and we all really enjoyed the World of Coke museum too.  And despite the rain, we loved the pre-race events at the Speedway.  We got to be on the background on Speed, plus got a bunch of free things.  It really was a lot of fun.  Even sitting watching them try to dry the track was hysterical.  

A race really is the best place to people watch and Atlanta has been the best by far.  I've been to many races, but never have I seen so many cowboy boots, ripped t-shirts and mullets.  Even a lot of very short shorts.  Whatever, you expect to see that.  BUT NOT ON GUYS!!!  What the hell Atlanta??  I saw so many guys wearing ripped off jean shorts. It's not attractive on any man.  Even Denny Hamlin wouldn't be sexy in them!  And what was worse was that some were Britanny Spears short...as in the pockets were hanging below the 'hem?' line.  Not cute!!  Seriously not cute!!  I was very tempted to take pictures, but I just couldn't stoop that low - it would have been pretty rude.  And lets face it, I don't really want to remember those delightful mental images.  So with the power of Google, I'll find you some things that closely resemble what blinded me.

Anyway, just before the track was dried, there was a sudden down pour which saturated everything, and the race had to be rescheduled.  It was completely understandable.  I didn't want to sit there with the kids for 3 hours until the track dried, then watch the race, then sit in traffic before getting to the hotel.  That would have been 6 am. And the drivers are only human.  I can't imagine driving at 200 mph as is it, dodging other cars and driving within inches on the wall, with limited vision out my windows.  There's a reason why they are the elite - they are the ones with lightning fast hand-eye coordination. And I heard some people saying they should get rain tires and wipers.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME??  That's the dumbest idea ever!  Have you tried driving down the interstate fast in a storm?

Personally, I value the safety measures NASCAR has for the fans, drivers and officials.  They have them for a reason, and I don't ever want to witness the death of a driver. Now, saying that, I do wish that NASCAR had been more proactive, rather than reactive.  It was obvious that Sunday morning that the race wouldn't be run, and they also knew well in advance that they would have to reschedule it for Tuesday. So many people had paid big bucks for tickets, plus hotels, gas, food etc, and most had to work on Tuesday.  There were no refunds.  If you couldn't attend the race on Tuesday you were SOL.  We were relatively lucky compared to others.  We couldn't attend the Tuesday race, but we had free hotel stays, and would spend the money going home on gas anyhow. We just spent a lot on overpriced hot dogs, and the $150 for the tickets.  I heard of others who had spent over $4000 on camping spots, or the people who got tickets for Atlanta because of the parking situation in Kentucky.  They tried to see two races and got no racing in return.

So I'm not mad about the weather, or the decision made to reschedule the race.  But Atlanta made a buttload off money from people who got nothing in return.  I had hoped that we could switch the tickets for tickets to Martinsville or Richmond.  Or get a partial refund.  Something at least. Not the "too bad, so sad" from the speedway. For an organization who is supposed to be about the fans, we sure were treated like crap.

But, the race (which I watched on TV while holding the tickets in my hand) was a really good one and I really wished I could have been there.  I'll still watch racing because we love it.  But I will NOT go back to Atlanta.  Too bad.

I haven't had much to say...

Sometimes I have so much to say. Other times I don't.  So I've been pretty quiet recently.

Anyway, I got thinking yesterday about how much of a hermit I've become.  I've been keeping busy, but yet keeping to myself.  Last week I was overwhelmed with Mikey going back to school and the Change of Command events.  I was constantly surrounded by people...but mostly just seen and not heard.  I'm OK with that.

We've been doing a lot of home improvement since Jeremy got home.  We've replace our fire place mantle to one which has a bigger shelf to fit the DVR player and DVD player on.  We've had curbing done in the front yard and put mulch down so the front yard is looking much prettier.  We've got a new sofa, and dining table, and in the next week or so we should have part one of our new kitchen cabinets installed.

Mikey had a rough first week in school.  The second day I was waiting at the bus stop for him after school and he wasn't on the bus.  He decided that he wanted to be a car rider that day and told his teacher that.  So he was safe at school, but gave me one heck of a fright.  Then a few days later I got a phone call from his teacher just before school let out saying that he was in the bathroom at school just crying.  Jeremy went down to get him and it turned out that he needed to pee and poop at the same time, and accidently pooped on the floor as he was peeing. What do I say about that?  That I was horrified?  That I'm the parent of "that" kid? That I'm so worried about Mikey that it scares me to death?  He didn't say anything about getting teased at school about it. And I remember being the Teacher Assistant of the 3rd grader who did the same thing a few years ago and while I remember it, I didn't think any differently of the child - I just protected him after.

I just don't feel like I am doing enough for him.  I make sure he does his homework.  It's spelling, math and 20 minutes of reading every night, plus I'm supposed to do 50 minutes of vision therapy with him 5 times a week.  We've been so busy that I haven't managed to squeeze that in.   That's a lot of homework every night.  I want to ask the teacher if his vision therapy (which is mostly reading and comprehension questions) can count as his 20 minutes of reading. He's also started Cub Scouts which he is super excited about.

Mia started Pre-K yesterday.  She was so excited and has been asking to go to school for weeks.  It's on post from 1:30 - 4:30 every day.  So I drop her off, go home for a few minutes, pick up Mikey and then hopefully Jeremy can pick her up most nights...otherwise I'll have to head there after getting Mikey. She loved her first day, despite peeing in her pants (I sense a theme here...). She's 3, in a new place and was probably engrossed in what she was doing. It's funny how different Mikey and Mia are at the same age.  He barely talked and was barely potty trained at the same age, but he knew his alphabet.  She craves socializing and loves to learn new things, and I would be failing her if I didn't put her in Pre-K now.  Mikey at the same age just needed me.

Let me entertain you.....

So there's nothing I love more than laughing so hard that I cry. I've done that several times in the last 24 hours thanks to Chelsey Handler and my Seasoned Military Wives gals.  This post may be a little offensive to some, so don't say I didn't warn you.

Chelsey did a little round table story on New Zealand last night which always makes me curious.  It's about the banning of crazy names.  Duke is included in the list which I don't think is that bad, but I guess it's crazier in New Zealand with its royal ties.  In America I just think of a great North Carolina university. Here's the link for you all to look at just incase you were curious.  And then please tell me why you would name your twins Benson and Hedges (which is a cigarette brand)...cute for dogs, not humans.

http://globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com/2011/07/20/new-zealand-bans-weird-baby-names/

Next on the list of things that made me laugh was the addition of some questionable words to the dictionary: sexting, retweeting, cyberbullying and mankini. Hmmmm.....just what exactly is a mankini??? Curious as to what is was, I used the powers of Google Images and discovered THIS:

Don't say I didn't warn you!!  I will spare you the rear view.

Terrible, terrible, terrible.  But it made me laugh.  Hard. I wonder if Jeremy would like it if I photoshopped his face onto one of those men??

 

It's the one on the right!!!!

There are two things that annoy me.  OK, so  many more things than that, but two in particular.

First would be grocery shopping.  I used to love it.  It was a novelty when I first moved to America because everything was so new and different.  So many processed goodies that I had read about in Babysitters Club books, like Twinkies and Mac and Cheese. I was like a kid in a candy store!!

Then along came deployment number one where I no longer had the benefit of having my husband home to cook for me, or eating for free at the DFAC.  I actually had to think about cooking for the first time in years.  Then came deployment number two and baby number two....at Ft Drum where not only did I have to cook for two, plus for a picky baby, but I had to battle going out in the snow, trudging through the snow with a cart and baby car seat and 4 year old, but then getting the groceries through the snow, up the stairs while baby screamed at me.  AKA...TORTURE!!!

Then there was deployment number 3 where I was trying to eat healthier, and baby number 2 now talks non-stop and the children fight.  I have to get the race car carts because trying to keep Mikey under control and push a cart just does not work. I've also been attempting to use coupons which quite frankly annoys me too because of the Extreme Couponers wiping the shelves clear and clogging the aisles.

Seriously, grocery store ettiquette has gone out the window and it is now an unpleasant experience. Maybe it's a more pleasant experience if I am by myself completely with my IPOD playing....and a husband to take the groceries in for me. Yes, I have a plan!

And the Commissary doesn't sell wine. 

Next, is my road rage.  It's out of control.  If you see some lady driving around Fayetteville leaning out the window yelling "MOOOOOVE!!! Put your foot on the pedal and drive!!  It's the one on the right!!!!", while banging on the wheel and raising her hands in hysteria...it's probably me.

I get so aggravated by people who drive in the fast lane, and go slow.  Or drive next to another person at a slow speed so no one can get by.  Or people who brake for the invisible thing on the road.  Or people who can't drive a steady speed.  Or people who can't gently slow down and slam on their brakes.  Or who can't stay in their lane and try to run people off the road.  Or who have no idea what a turn signal is or how to use it.

Fayetteville is full of these people and I have to say they are probably the worst drivers on the planet.  It's a town with classic bad southern style urban planning, and hundreds of people who have no idea where they are going.  You have lots of retirees who should have lost their license years ago, and young folks who think they are invincible.  And not that I EVER want to make light of PTSD, but there are a lot of soldiers who have spent much too much time on convoys in a war zone dodging explosives and either drive slowly, or like a maniac, or who act erratically when hearing the loud booms caused by the bass in the ghetto cars driving by.   And the people are from all over America, and the world and it's as if the NC Road Rules do not apply....or the drivers here don't know in the first place.

Whatever the reasons are behind the bad drivers, I need to find the cure for my road rage, because like the picture above....it makes me feel like exploding!

Update on Mikester

So, I just realized that I never updated anyone on what's going on with Mikey.

We had his second MRI at Cape Fear at the end of last month where he was knocked out using that stuff that killed Michael Jackson.  After our last experience with the MRI, which for the record scarred both of us for life, we were not looking forward to another one.  Mikey had nightmares after the first one and asked me why he had to have one.  I explained about his tics and tried to tell him that we were trying to find out why he has them, and if we could help him.  He promised me he would never do it again (tic I mean) if he didn't have to do the next MRI.  Heartbreaking I tell you especially when you know that he can't stop it.

Anyway, he screamed like a banshee getting the IV put in.  It didn't help that the first vein blew and they had to put a second one in his hand.  A very unhappy Mikey reluctantly watched cartoons while waiting for his turn.  Then a very hysterical Mikey had to be held down on the bed by me and several nurses.  I do believe I have hearing loss in my right ear as a result.  And guess what - when they started pumping the meds into him, his vein blew again, so they had to do a third IV.  Lovely I tell you.  Screaming, scared child equals a very upset mother who was handed kleenex and sobbed hysterically as my (eventually) sleeping child was wheeled into the MRI.  

After sobbing for 30 minutes in the waiting room I was ushered back to find Mikey waking up.  Now, at least this part was remotely funny.  The stuff coming out of his mouth was just hysterical to include him yelling at the kid next to us getting an IV, "Don't let them do it!! It hurts!!!" He remembered nothing about the MRI and couldn't understand how he had gone into the tunnel but couldn't remember it at all.

His results were pretty much normal.  It was noted that he had some kind of blood vessel bleed in his brain, probably when I was still pregnant with him, but that it was unlikely to have damaged him in any way, or be the cause of his tics.  So the Choreathetosis is not likely.

We have seen the Child Neurologist at UNC Chapel Hill.  He's reluctant to call what Mikey has as Tics - I guess what Mikey does makes him somewhat as an enigma.  But he classifies it as some kind of a hyper-kinetic movement disorder.  He doesn't recommend any meds, and because Mikey is so young he could benefit from just learning other ways of working around it.  Like putting his hand on his hips when he's going to shake his hand. He also recommended getting Mikey a scooter to improve coordination and balance, saying that Mikey no longer has an excuse why he can't ride a bike without training wheels.  He just has to get over it.

And the part I liked best was that the Neurologist didn't recommend a diet change.  A lot of kids with Aspergers are put on Gluten Free, Soy Free, Organic yadda yadda yadda diets.  Why it may help some kids who have gastro problems (which is common with Aspergers, but doesn't include Mikey) and those special diets may help them.  He said that with Mikey already having to deal with Aspergers and a movement disorder, by making him different in another social way (eating is a huge social thing) would be cruel.  Can you imagine him being invited to a party and fitting in, and then not being able to eat the food because it's got gluten/sugar/dairy...Yeah, that does seem mean.

But anyway, both kids have been doing swim lessons, and Mikey has improved so much!!  He jumps into the pool now, and can even swim small distances by himself.  I am so proud of him, and he's proud of himself too.  He's earned his water gun, and can play with the other kids more.  And it's given him confidence that he can do things that he didn't think he could do...with a little practice of course!!

The Reality...

You dream of this moment for months before they even deploy.  The moment when they are home again. And I won't lie.  I'm loving it, and I haven't been this happy for a while.  I don't have any schools looming, or anymore deployments for at least a year, so I'm kind of relaxed.  It's nice.  I can kind of get used to letting Jeremy help me, rather than still do everything myself so it won't be such a shock when he does leave.

We can snuggle on the couch and watch TV together, all 4 of us watch the race.  He can watch the kids while I go to the gym and to the Couch to 5K (I'm on Week 3, Day 2 for the record).  We can go to swim lessons with the kids and he witnessed Mikey swimming by himself with no floating device at all. I can go to the store and pick up milk without getting the kids in and out of the car....You get the picture.  It's nice.

But with that comes some negatives. 

I am so used to getting Mia in and out of the car, so when I am by myself I still automatically go to her side of the car first and then feel stupid when I have to walk back around to the drivers seat.

I vacuum the carpet and then he walks on it wearing his boots, and leaves patterns in the carpet.  No biggie - I'm somewhere between a laugh and a grrrr about that one.

I no longer sleep with piles of laundry to keep me company, but the laundry doesn't breathe loudly or snore.

I worked damn hard to clean the house when he came home, but it still got rearranged and cleaned even better when he got home.  Part of me feels insulted like I didn't do a good enough job, but then I have to let that feeling go and know that he's trying to make things better for me and get some sense of control back.

I had a schedule with the kids that would get me through the deployment.  We had our routines and way of doing things, and he hasn't learned them yet or the kids have to learn a somewhat different routine.

For sanity's sake, I would let some things slide sometimes.  Like the dishes.  I would keep the kitchen clean but sometimes I was just damn tired and needed to sit my butt down on the couch and drink a glass of wine, knowing that the dishes could wait until tomorrow.  Not an option now.

And then there's the remote control.  He was kind enough to spare me the torture of political shows this past Sunday but I don't know how long that will last. I should take that time to sit my butt down with a good book and read. (I'm hinting at a Kindle for our anniversary next month - hoping he doesn't have a stomach virus this year). Although, he's dealing with the fact that Chelsey Handler is my reward at the end of a long day, so watching Chelsey Lately going to bed is something truly non-negotiable. Good husband.

And then there's the laundry.  O.M.G!!!  I have a lot with the kids and I as it is, but add in his PJ's, PT uniform, ACU's, Gym clothes, and regular clothes...my laundry baskets are running away scared.  

And last but not least....THE AIR CONDITIONER!!!  I like it set at 75 - where it's not too cold and you can have a fan on and be comfortable.  Mr Eskimo here turned it down to 71 and the rest of us are left shivering under blankets.  I seriously was wearing a sweater and snuggling under a blanket.  He doesn't seem to get it that it actually HURTS me when I am cold.  So we have agreed to 73, and I accidently knock that up a bit from time to time.

I wouldn't give up any of this for the world, and it's a normal part of reintegration which we've been through many times now.  And really I do sit back and chuckle after my initial "grrrr" moment.  Sometimes you do need to reflect and vent from time to time which is fine, and not feel guilty about it. Because at the end of the day I just love my man!

PS. This is one of the first times I can remember since Mia was born 3 years ago, that I have had the house to myself.  The kids went with Daddy to work.  I am all alone.  So in response to my own question: "What do you do when you have the house all to yourself?" I blogged.  And now I am going to turn on the Nikki and Rich station on Pandora Radio, and play mindless hours of Mindjolt Games on Facebook.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

There is no phrase truer than the title of this blog for us.

Jeremy deployed for the second time when Mia was just 5 - 6 months old.  It was very difficult for us when he returned, because she really didn't bond with Jeremy right away as we had expected.  To be honest, it wasn't until he deployed again this time around that she realized that she liked this Daddy person and wanted him back.  Previously she wouldn't let him hold her for long periods of time, and really just wanted to be with me.  Heartbreaking for Jeremy and a pain in the butt for me when I just wanted some alone time or a break.

I know both Jeremy and I were so worried about how she would react to him coming home this time.  She missed him terribly the whole deployment, and honestly thought that he was in every plane or helicopter she saw.  If you saw the previous blog you can see that our worries were quickly erased as she couldn't get to her Daddy fast enough.  

And she really hasn't left his side since.  She LOVES her Daddy now and follows him around like a little lamb.  She was not impressed when she woke up and Daddy was away at PT this morning, but I think now she is understanding that if Daddy leaves he will come back.

Finally my husband and daughter have the bond that we always dreamed of, and I couldn't be happier. It's a beautiful thing to witness.  The look on Jeremy's face as she kisses and hugs him is almost as precious to me as the first time he saw her after she was born.

Yippee!!!!

 So I lied to my children.   In order to get them all dressed up I told them that my friend Kathryn was flying in to take pictures of them to send to Daddy.  This lie seemed to do the trick.  Not that I am condoning lying to children or in general, but for surprise purposes this one was pretty acceptable in my opinion.

So the kids were patiently waiting on "Kathryn" even after the plane was delayed several hours because of weather.  Until Mikey yelled "Daddy?  Daddy!!!"  Mia saw him and both kids just RAN.  I would say they were surprised in the best way possible.

One family almost spilled the beans, but realized what I was doing and patiently waited to see the reunion, and cried when they saw the kids see their Daddy.  And then offered to take a family picture of us too.  I am so grateful for this family and I hope they enjoy the same joy in a few months that we just experienced.

Needless to say we're all so happy, and I am so grateful to his Command for bringing him home.  We're very blessed.

Couch to 5K

So, instead of sitting here complaining that I haven't fulfilled my goals I set for this deployment, I decided to do something proactive.  A girl I know from a military wife forum mentioned that she was doing the Couch to 5K program, and that it was an app.  I downloaded it...and that was it.

Then another girl said that she was about to start it, and the other girls progress seemed pretty impressive. So I went to the community center on post, put the kids in the child care room with the big glass window so I can keep an eye on them.  And then I ran. 

OK, so you walk, run, walk, run....etc.  Intervals really, and every week pushes you that little bit extra and by the end of 9 weeks you can supposedly run 45 minutes straight.  Well, so far so good.  I'm up to Week 2, Day 3 - I took a rest today to get our hair cut.  So I won't feel guilty about that since that was also one of my goals at the beginning of the year.

I'm going to try to squeeze in a run tomorrow, that's if I have time.  And well, Saturday is an exciting day.  But I won't give up.  I'm going to finish this!! And maybe do one of the Family 5k's that they have at Bragg every so often.

Oh, and the kids have been having swimming lessons too.  I'm in the pool with them the entire time.  Mia is a natural and a star student.  I swear she is part fish.  And Mikey is growing more confident and gaining skills everyday.  He can even do cannon balls now which to me is a pretty big deal.  I'm very proud of both my babies!!

Patience

 Every military spouse requires a huge amount of patience.  It's part of the job requirement.  You spend so much time sitting around waiting for the curve ball to be thrown at you because you know it's going to come every time.

It would be nice to be able to plan, and to have definite times and dates.  Instead we have calendars covered in pencil so that we can erase over and over, and have our hearts break and explode with joy on a daily basis.

Murphy's Law is the military spouses law.  I swear it was written just for us.  Because everything that can go wrong is guaranteed to go wrong at the worst possible time.  But that's also why they invented duct tape, and blessed the spouses with immense patience.

So while I sit here tapping my toes, erasing my endless notes on my calendar...I'll continue to control the things that I have the power to control. And I'll feel damn good about doing it!!

Well...

OK, so I'm not that crabby but that's how I feel lately. It's not about anything going on in my life since I only have things to look forward to, but the way I've seen other people treating each other. I just don't like conflict or rudeness. 

There's a Facebook group that I've been a part of for a long time now, and I loved it because it was just genuinely good women with interesting things to say.  There was never any drama, backstabbing, rudeness, name calling, and people actually tried to be respectful of each other.  It was so nice and refreshing. But of course there's been a change in vibe the last few weeks and I couldn't stand it anymore.

While I agree that when you're on the internet, things written can be taken the wrong way, and you're really putting yourself out there for public scrutiny.  But what I don't understand is why people think that the anonymity you have online is an excuse for bad behavior.  You wouldn't be in a grocery store and cussing away, so why do it online? You wouldn't be rude and jump down someones throat while having a face to face conversation, but yet people can be so hurtful online.  And I don't like it.

So yeah, I can be crabby with the best of them, and sometimes even a bit of a bitch.  But one thing I really like about myself is that I am nice.  There are plenty of people in the world I don't like, so I avoid them and don't feel the need to talk badly about them.  I can keep it quietly to myself.  And if I'm having a bad day and I'm just cranky (2 kids + summer vacation + deployment = crabby Mamma), I can be pleasant enough to everyone and feel guilty if I do make someone feel bad.  And if that's the case I apologize. It's pretty simple.

Trying to maintain my cool...

So, last you heard from me, Mikey had just been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and some kind of movement disorder. After telling some of my FRG helpers about it, it was offered that Jeremy could come home. We both decided that it was unnecessary and I'll be fine until he comes home. 

We've had some nice times over the vacation.  Mia turned 3 and we had a birthday party for her along with Grammy - they share a birthday. Unfortunately Grammy had come down with Shingles, so most of the family couldn't come since they had never had Chicken Pox, and getting it as an adult can be really bad.  But we had a really nice time, and Mia's birthday dreams came true.

The kids both had dentist appointments, and they both did great. Even Mia let the dentist brush her teeth.

We've been to the pool a few times.  I got a life jacket for Mia that clips at the back and has floaty arms so she swims happily around the pool.  Mikey still doesn't swim, but he enjoys hanging out in the water. I've enrolled both the kids in swimming lessons beginning July 25th, so lets hope it gives them both confidence in the water.

4th of July was fun. We went with Jenn out to Columbia, SC to the mall there which had a cute outdoor craft market. We had an amazing Mediterranean dinner and enjoyed the fireworks which were almost rained out with a crazy lightning storm. The following day Jenn's house was packed up and loaded for her move down to Florida.  I'm happy that she'll be out of the ghetto town otherwise known as Florence, SC, but really sad that she won't be close by anymore.

So Mikey's MRI was a disaster.  He needs a MRI of his brain to check for possible neurological conditions that could be causing his tics. The exact description on his referral is "movement disorder with some mild choreoathetotic overtones (though more like tic symptoms); Please assess the periventricular area and basal ganglia" I don't exactly know what all that means, hence the reason I am not in the medical field, but I hope we get some answers.

It really was a nightmare.  He was given Versad through an IV which is unpleasant as it is. Most kids chill out and relax with Versad, but it made Mikey feel like he was really drunk.  Every time he closed his eyes, he saw trippy visions which scared him, so he wouldn't relax, wouldn't close his eyes, wouldn't stop talking...and after the maximum dosage his blood pressure started dropping so the MRI was cancelled.  And to make matters worse, the room was hot, my blood sugar dropped, and between that and anxiety, I almost passed out.  I had to be taken to another room to lay down.  So it was really unpleasant.

The next step is to go to another hospital where he'll be put to sleep with Proporfol in order to do the MRI. Mikey is terrified and the MRI caused him to have nightmares.  But I am hoping that his next experience will be much more pleasant.

Oh, and to reduce my stress levels, I've at least temporarily stepped down from the FRG Leadership position. I'm hoping its permanent, but that's only if someone else can step up and take over that...and as treasurer, and key caller.  Sigh.

Whats up doc?

Honestly, I don't know where to start. So I guess I'll start with what's going on about me.

ME:

I went to the doctor on Monday because I was concerned about my anxiety levels. I haven't been sleeping well.  I'll go to sleep fine, but wake up at 2am and will be awake for a while.  I'm constantly exhausted as can be expected. And even though I haven't felt depressed, I've been so overwhelmed and absent minded it's rediculous.  I would lose my ass if it wasn't attached.

Then there's my inability to lose weight, and my skin is horrendous.

Just a bit of background, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety back in 2006, but I'm pretty proactive about treating it naturally before it gets bad.

Anyway, the doctor described me being an FRG Leader like this: "....it's like taking someone with a phobia of flying and falling, skydiving". And while she agrees with me that I can't live my life not doing things because of the anxiety, she doesn't like that I'm doing it. 

Oh, and it turns out that my itchy skin is infact atopic dermititis (excema) and is nasty. 

Nothing a tube of Cortizone and some Zoloft to get me back on track.  No biggie.

MIKEY:

I've been thinking for a long time that Mikey is autistic.  During testing when he was 4, they said he had symptoms but because he responded emotionally correct so he wasn't considered autistic.  He got speech therapy, occupational therapy and physical therapy through school and did really well.  He's doing excellent at school, and he tested out of any therapies here in North Carolina.  But I just knew in my heart that something was up.

Anyway, back in February I had put in another referal for testing.  They called me on Monday to tell me that they had a cancellation Tuesday and if I would like to come in.

So after chatting to his teacher, I went there and the evalutations started.  The doctor was wonderful.  She was so kind and patient and really listened to me and observed what I had been seeing for years.  I showed her these lists that he does all over his school work of Nascar drivers, their starting position, speed, sponsor, finishing position....writing things that he's imagining in his head. She saw him stiffen up and shake like he's done since he was 9 months old.

After many hours of questions, it's confirmed that he has Aspberger's Syndrome.  Honestly it's not a shock, and while it stinks, I'm glad that I have an answer and can move forward.  But he also has some kind of Movement Disorder, with tics.  It's not Tourettes because he doesn't have vocal tics, but it's something along those lines and most likely neurological.

So yesterday he got an ECG done on his heart, and a complete blood panel to include chromosome testing.  He'll be getting an MRI, and a full vision screening, and then he'll be sent to UNC Chapel Hill to see Movement Disorder specialists.  And we'll go from there and see if there is a medicine or treatment that can help with the tics.

ME AGAIN:

How do I feel about this all??

I don't know.

I've seen most of it coming for a while now, but not this testing and tics.  That's new. I feel extremely bad because I've been led to believe that he would outgrow these movements and to gently try to stop him when he does it.  But they are completely involuntary and I've probably been making things worse.

And I really hate that he has to have them.  No one wants to be different, and to have something that you hate and there's nothing you can do to stop them.  Heartbreaking.  But he's the same boy I've loved since before he was born. I'm fortunate that his austism isn't severe enough that he doesn't display affection, or show love.  He hugs me, and cuddles me, and loves me and tells me that he does.  I'm very fortunate.

I'm flip flopping between being upset, overwhelmed, happy for a diagnosis, looking forward to the future, scared for his future, wishing that my husband was here,...but all I can do is learn how to parent and raise Mikey the best, keep fighting for him, and become a better, more patient person myself so that I can give him the best future.  I want him to see that he might have some difficulties in life, but it's not an excuse to why he can't do things, but a reason why he CAN do whatever he wants.

We'll get there.



For the first time ever...

I feel scared.

My husbands battalion lost another soldier this weekend. It's a military wifes worst nightmare, and something that most of us file in that very back corner of our subconscious in a fireproof box labeled "Do Not Open". Because if we do open it, we're just flooded with too many emotions and none of us want to deal with them.

It's the second time in a month that I've had to send out that e-mail, and it doesn't get any easier. Pushing send makes it real.  It's not the useless FRG mail telling families about the mundane events going around post. There's nothing happy about it, and I'm overwhelmed every time I have to do it.

The first deployment my husband was 'just a cook'. For the record, don't ever tell a military cooks wife "Oh, he's just a cook" when they are sending their husband off to war.  They are soldiers too and can also be in harms way.  But you do try to believe that they are somewhat safer.  The second deployment my husband very rarely traveled, and for the most part sat behind a desk.  This time he has a desk job, but doesn't stop traveling.  And this terrifies me.

So I admit it.  My fire proof box is open and I am scared shitless.  After a bottle of wine tonight I will close it again for everybodies sake.  But for those of you who know me, my mask is off even if it is just temporary.

Pray for this soldier.  Pray for his wife and their 2 month old baby. Pray for the soldiers in harms way, their families, and pray that they come home safely.

I'm back

Hey....so it's been a while since I posted.

I was going to post pictures a while back of some fun things that I've been up to, but the truth is, I couldn't be bothered.  I spend so much time sending and recieving e-mails for the FRG, and then my phone pinging away with Facebook, that I just wanted a break from technology.

This month has been a good month.  I've spend a lot of time down in South Carolina doing fun things with my sister-in-law before she moves. And I've been keeping busy around home too. Mikey is still playing t-ball and loving it, and Mia is still....well, Mia.

So, today I had a Deployed Spouses Support Group Meeting.  There are just a few of us from the Battalion who meet up once or twice a month just to chat and let off steam.  I'm not big into religion - I have my beliefs and faith, but it's a personal thing, but the Chaplains wife who leads the group is such a wonderful person and really helps me see things in a better light which is so good for me.

As a military wife you see so many wives who break down and can't cope with deployments.  They whine and whine and whine, and honestly its the most irritating thing ever.  So it makes you feel that if you do vent and let it out, that you are weak and whiny.  Like, I get so rediculously cranky with my kids and sometimes I feel like the meanest Mom in the world.  But with this support group I can not only let it out, but I know that the other Mom's feel rediculously cranky too, and have the same fears as I do.  It's really refreshing actually.

It's not just me who feels guilty because I'm so used to deployments that they don't make me an emotional wreck anymore.  I'm not the only cranky person who sometimes worry that my kids don't love me because I'm so cranky. I'm not the only one who feels overwhelmed because there is so much to do that I can't even find time to do laundry and other housework.

I really wish that every military wife had this same kind of support, and that they had the guts to take advantage of it.

Clone me please!!

So, sometimes I have weeks on end where I have nothing special going on and the only reason I have to leave the house is to buy groceries.  It gets lonely sometimes, but usually I'm pretty happy.  And then when I do have things that I am invited to, or come up, they all happen at once.

For example.  This weekend is the Sprint Cup and Nationwide races at Darlington.  I had originally planned to take the kids to one of the races with my sister-in-law who lives at the neighboring town.  But I'm not Supermom, I'm already exhausted, Mikey has three t-ball games starting at 6:40pm this week.  It's just unreasonable to ask too much from the kids by keeping them up late.  Anyway, I had planned on keeping Mikey off school Friday so that we could go to Florence and watch the parade of haulers which is apparently pretty fun.

But Mikey has a T-Ball game Thursday night and I think he should learn that if he joins a team, he needs to be there for them. Friday morning I've been invited to a Mother's Day breakfast at my neighbors house which sounds amazing - who wouldn't want waffles, fresh picked strawberries, and champagne??? But, as an FRG Leader I have to be at a Change of Command Ceremony Friday morning and I can't be at two places at once.

My SIL is also moving and asked me to come down to help her on Saturday morning with a garage sale and to mow her yard.  I was planning to go there Thursday night, but that can't happen.   I also can't take the dog and a lawnmower down as well as luggage and things that I want to sell too.  It means I also can't be home to take Mikey to get his baseball team pictures taken on Saturday morning.

Do you think it's really mean that he won't be in his first team picture?   I think I will just get his picture taken at Walmart or something instead. 

Oh well, I'm sure I'll have fun, and while I'm waiting for my clone to appear, I'll use this time to learn how not to feel guilty.

Rollercoaster....

Since Tuesday I've had the best of times, and plenty of "moments".

Let's rewind back to Thursday.  The battalion held a self-defense class for spouses.  It was taught by two Green Berets who specialise in combatives.  At first it was a little awkward.  We started talking about prevention, followed by emptying out our handbags and figuring out ways of being able to use things as weapons.  Then we moved to beating up the dummies.  Now, it was just wierd.  You feel stupid poking a rubber dummy in the eyes, and trying to stab it with keys.  Although I was impressed to know that the dent I made in the dummy with my keys, would most likely break skin and do serious damage to a person.

Then we started with the kicking and guess what - I'm damn good at kicking!!  I was totally in my element and having so much fun!!  We were partnered up and kicking pads, and just had a blast.  We were working on busting knee caps, and tearing groins. Nice.  We also did hands on stuff - grabbing our partner from behind and trying to take them down, and learning how to stay on your feet and rotate out of an attack from behind.  I had the best partner - we weren't holding back and almost flipping each other.  I'm still covered in bruises and I can imagine she is too.  The last things we did was learning to fall, which I suck at - I almost got whiplash, and we were flipping each other too, but my shoulder wasn't holding up for that. 

I really enjoyed it and hope that we can do more lessons and learn more.  I would do it as a workout several times a week if I had it my way.

Friday was the Royal Wedding which as a Kiwi I felt that I had to watch it.  I didn't intend to wake up at 2am...just a part of deployment insomnia.  Jenn came down to watch the wedding with me which was really nice, and I made delicious scones.  Thank you Archer Farms.  The wedding was beautiful - I loved her dress, I loved that they looked like the kids next door getting married.  Amazing!!  Mia woke up to in time to see them on the balcony and she just thought seeing a real princess was the best thing ever. And of course during the Royal Flyover, Daddy was in the plane.  So seeing Daddy flying over a princess - she was in heaven!!

Later I had an FRG meeting with the command and it turned out that it was a VTC.  Imagine the look on Mia's face seeing Daddy on the TV - he managed to pop in for a few minutes before the meeting started.  She was so happy, and giggly, but a little stunned and speechless too.  But she really was so happy to see and hear him.

Saturday was a hectic morning.  I wanted to hit up some garage sales as I am on a mission to find an outdoor table and a jogging stroller. And I needed stuff to do the gardens, I needed food for a picnic. The picnic was for the Deployed Spouses Support Group.  It was so nice to be outside with the kids, even though Mia was making things a little difficult.  She ended up being covered from head to toe with dirt.

Just before the picnic, Jeremy had called and thats when the kids started to act up really bad. They were being so obnoxious, silly and loud that I couldn't even think straight which upset me so much.  I  haven't really talked to Jeremy much recently and there were so many things I needed to talk with him about.  The dryer is having issues, the dogs made another doggy door in the screen door, the lights in the garage don't work after the power outage during the tornadoes, the microwave light died....just a whole bunch of little things that added together overwhelm me. Needless to say, I had to cut that phonecall short because I couldn't even think straight.

I did manage to get the garden things and spend the afternoon working on that. It looks a lot better, but it's a work in progress.  My neighbor saved me, and made me a wine slushie, and had us over for dinner, and the kids played happily until dark.  It was really nice.

Today we had a few errands to run, and then went to the Dogwood Festival downtown.  It was a lot of fun, although I don't like that there were a lack of portaloos....try getting a 2 year old girl to pee in the bushes before she peed her pants. That was fun...we all had a good time and it was nice just to be out and about.  We swung by The Wine Cafe on the way home and I got a bottle of New Zealand wine, and then went grocery shopping.

I finally have a quiet week so hopefully I can deal with the explosion otherwise known as my house, and then put stuff aside for my SILs garage sale next week.

But most importantly, I need to get some sleep.