Ugh

So, there should be a rule that you're not allowed to blog when you're in a bad mood. Because I'm in a mood.  I feel like I need to just yell, kick and scream and cry a bit.  Like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum.

I know what it is.  I'm exhausted, frustrated, in pain, lonely, overwhelmed....you name it and I'm probably feeling it.  Nothing bad has happened.

I've been super busy the last few days. Wednesday I had a meeting with my Company Commander about the roster which was productive and I actually made head way.  We had a bake sale to fundraise, so I went home and baked, and baked....and baked some more.  Triple batches of Red Velvet Cookies, Peanut Butter Temptation, and Caramel Turtle Brownies.  And then I had to individually wrap them all. I think I started at about 12pm and didn't finish until about 9pm....and the cleaning just had to wait because I was just so exhausted.

Thursday morning I was back at Headquarters to drop off the cookies, and meet up with the FRG Battalion Advisor to go shopping for Candy to put in the Easter Eggs. She is actually the Commanders Wife and probably the nicest girl known to man.  She's not the typical Commanders Wife - they usually look like they've stepped out of a Home and Garden magazine, but she is a lot more like myself.  We had lunch at Olive Garden too which was nice.  Mia passed out in the car so I drove around for an hour or so before picking Mikey up.  I had got a phone call saying that I needed to have  a copy of the most recent roster turned in ASAP, so I had to quickly do that before heading to the Mall with the kids.  I've had huge issues with an irritated scalp, mostly due to season change and buying cheap shampoo/conditioner. I hate spending money on salon products, but sometimes you just have to spend those extra dollars for relief. The kids wanted to ride the carousel while we were there too which was fun.

Friday Mikey was off school for a Teacher Only Day, so we were up early.  We dropped Mia off at daycare, then headed to the Dentist for a consult about my TMJ.  Unfortunately I'm still in major pain and I'm desparate for relief.  I was given a stong anti-inflammatory and told to pick up a mouth guard.  It seems that I have an issue where I clench my teeth together, so I need to learn to relax a bit. And while laying on the dentists chair, I discovered that it was not a good idea to let Mikey read a Sports Illustrated Magazine....Oh my, that was a little embarrassing.

Anywho, after the dentist, we headed to Walmart where we picked up Mikey's baseball pants and a glove, then headed to Dicks to get his Maroon socks.  He's going to look so cute! He starts practice on Monday. After picking up Mia, I realised that her allergies that she's been dealing with for a week seemed to have taken a turn for the worst, so I made an appointment for her, picked up my prescription (I had to try 3 different places to get it) and then headed off to the doctor.  It turns out that she has a sinus infection and starting to get an ear infection but I caught it at the right time, so she's back on antibiotics, and singulair.

We had an interesting moment while waiting to pick up her meds though.  Both my kids have a tendency to get hyper when they are tired.  Mia was hopping around the place and accidently crashed into a soldier.  She just sat on the floor in shock, and then started sobbing saying "I want Daddy to come and get me...I want my Daddy....My Daddy in a big Airplane"....It was just so pitiful and broke everyones heart.  One giant soldier turned to me with tears in his eyes and said "Her Daddy must be so proud". Yeah, he is...

Both kids knocked out on the car ride home.  And all I wanted to do was to sit down.  But no, I had a tonne of e-mails to write to people for the FRG, and other e-mails to forward.  My neighbor and her kids came over for a bit, and my house looks like a bomb has gone off in it. 

This morning Mia woke me up at 6am, Mikey came in shortly after, and they haven't stopped talking since they opened their eyes in the morning. I had to go to Walmart this morning which is garunteed to put me in a fowl mood since I hate shopping there, but I needed milk and bread, and I needed to get the security tag taken off Mikey's baseball glove which they failed to do yesterday.

So yeah, I'm just tired. I'm usually fine during deployments because I'm just used to doing everything, and usually I love keeping busy.  But it gets overwhelming sometimes - I've been so busy that the house is a wreck, and I have to clean, but I just want to relax too.  It makes me miss Jeremy because if he was home he could have stayed with the kids while I went and had alone time.  No kids, no jabber jaws, no child wrangling. And he would have picked up the house so there was less of a burden on me. I think when it comes down to it, I'm just wanting quiet time with no Blackberry pinging at me, no people requiring my attention, no mess...just having no pressure. It would be nice to not be constantly running out of patience or constantly feel like I am about to send flames shooting out of my eyeballs.

And it does come down to my goal of spending time and money on me and my own well being...but it's easier said than done.

So, I will brainstorms ways to take care of myself, but meanwhile, I see floors, clothes, bathrooms and a kitchen which is demanding my attention first.