Changes are coming..

Hello, my name is Rachel and I am overweight.

I used to always be the skinny girl. If I needed to lose a few pounds I would just walk every where instead of taking the bus and voula - the pounds came off. It helped that I didn't learn to drive until I was 22 and then moved to Korea where I didn't have a car. 

Even when I was pregnant with Mikey I didn't gain an ounce until my last month (and I am being literal there) and they were so worried about me not gaining weight that they sent me to a nutritionist who told me to eat cake and brownies, drench everything with butter and fatty yogurt, eat potato chips etc.  Yeah, they really did.  And I gained weight too - 40lbs in a month!!  And while I lost about 15lbs of that, it never did permanently come off.  I think at most I lost about 25lbs and then gained again until I got pregnant with Mia.  I only gained about 35 with her, and it put me at 212lbs the day before she was born.  That weight has all come off without much effort because I did it the right way, but I'm still overweight.

Right now I'm about 173 lbs, and for my height I should be between 125 and 168lbs.  It doesn't seem like I'm much overweight, but the fact is that I am, and I shouldn't be, and I don't want to be.

I tried Weight Watchers (I used the points system but didn't see the point in paying out the ass for something that might not work).  I tried exercise (and gained weight). I tried counting calories.  But I'm stuck where I am.  Its not acceptable.

I just want to feel good about myself.  I don't want Mia especially to grow up seeing me being upset about the way I look.  I want her to have a healthy, vibrant mother who makes wise choices, allows for crappy eating days every now and then.  I want to her have a Mom that is happy, and can give her good advice because its what I do and it works.

So, today I picked up a diet book.  How many times have you picked up at diet book and its full of 'can'ts' and ingredients that you've never heard of?  The same goes for the recipe books - the pictures look delicious and full of promise, but requires driving to 5 different stores to find the ingredients, ass-loads of money and your first born child.  Yeah, I have those books, and I'm keeping Mikey!!

Anyway, this one looks realistic.  it's called "The Small Change Diet", but Keri Gans. It gives good suggestions.  I can choose what I eat, and it allows me to avoid things that trigger my IBS, heartburn and lactose intolerance. I don't have to buy expensive ingredients.  It's basically modifications on what I already do.

There are 10 key steps that you do over time as you adapt to them being "normal".

1. Create a healthy eating schedule.
2. Eat more fruits and vegetables.
3. Cut empty beverage calories.
4. Increase fiber intake.
5. Reduce the undercover calories of dressings and sauces.
6. Eat leaner meats.
7. Find the right fats and lose the bad fats.
8. Curb sugar and salt cravings.
9. Stay healthy in social situations.
10. Exercise.

Withing each of these steps are mini- steps.  At the end of every chapter there are test questions, and if you have mastered the majority of these steps, you can move on to adding the next step.

I think I can do this.  Follow along and kick my ass if I slip up!!

And I'm off!

About this time 3 years ago my husband was in Warrant Officer Candidate School, and he had just told a very pregnant me that we would be moving to Fort Drum, New York.  I was quite horrified because I hadn't heard one good thing about that base.  Not one thing.

But I figured it would be an adventure and it sure was.  I loved Ft Drum!! I had the best of friends, there were so many day trips you could take, like Niagara Falls and Lake Placid.  And the food was amazing - cute little Mom and Pop restaurants, vineyards, ice cream.  I really enjoyed my time there, and even though I was happy to be back in my own house here at Bragg, I wasn't too thrilled about coming back here either.

Today is the start of Mikey's Spring Break, and it's my last opportunity to see my friends in New York before everyone moves away.  And I get to get my wine too!!  I'll spend a few days there, before heading down to Pennsylvania to stay with Lisa and Russ, and hang out with Billie and Jenn.  Fun times I tell you!

It's a much needed vacation - adult conversation, no dog to clean up after, the kids have their friends to play with.  And with all the food I'm dreaming about, I'll probably come home weighing a tonne!!

The bunny flies a plane!

So I've been pretty busy lately.  We had an Easter Egg Hunt on Saturday morning which was fun, although it was rediculously cold.  I was expecting it to be a little chilly in the morning and then heat up.  Oh yeah, I was wrong.  I had to borrow the Major's fleece sweater - rank and all - just to keep warm. And having another mans uniform went over really well when I was introduced to the Brigade Commander. Luckily he's got a sense of humor!

Emilia is a natural at egg hunting.  For being tiny she sure can hold a lot of eggs!!  I think she collected about 15 eggs in a split second.  And Mikey finally gets it.  Previously he would be so excited that he found a single egg, and then would show me, and then he would open it....and repeat that about 3 times and all the eggs would be gone.  And he could never understand why everyone else had 20 eggs and he had 4.  At age 6, he now gets it. Bless him....haha.

Oh, do you see the basket??  I made that!  Pretty cute huh?

And I am loving t-ball with Mikey more and more all the time.  He's really enjoying it, and improving little by little and it's going to be so good for him.  Is he going to play in the Major Leagues - no, but he loves that game and that's what matters.  And I love being a baseball Mom.  The other mothers are so nice and friendly.  Just to sit down and talk, and enjoy our kids is so refreshing. Mia and the other little girls run around and find acorns and petals, and today they were playing with toy curling irons and flat irons and making me 'beautiful'.  There's nothing about baseball practice I don't like. Except that Jeremy isn't here to see it. He would be so proud.

And today I had a really nice day.  Mia and I took a long walk, and then went to my neighbors house to play.  It was so nice to chill in the backyard while the two girls played.  Mia jumped on the trampoline for the first time - she liked it for a few minutes but then she's a little timid.  They picked flowers and played in the sand box, and Sarah and I just enjoyed each others company. The kids and I played on the swings in the afternoon, and then the kids played outside some more tonight and Mikey learned to throw a frisbee.  And I got a nice sunburn.

It's days like this when you think that life can't get much better.  And I love when the kids are just being kids and enjoying themselves so much. It couldn't be much better than this.

I told you that the Easter Bunny flies an airplane!!

Texas Motor Speedway

So, I am terrible at predicting who I want to win races, so I will say this.  I really hope that David Ragan, Dale Jr or Denny Hamlin crash and get DNF.

You see, if I say that a driver will win, they never do.  I have never predicted a win.  So if I do the opposite.....Fingers Crossed!

Want a Medal??

I really admire people who volunteer.  Some people do amazing things, like grow vegetables to feed their community, clean rivers, educate, provide medical care.  I wish that there were more people like that in the world because it would be a much better place if people were less selfish.  And most people aren't doing it for any recognition.  They do it because they saw a need, and went ahead and did what needed to be done.

Well, I got recognized last night along with about 40 others from 3rd Group. It was very nice with dinner being provided by Olive Garden (much to the dismay of my sister-in-law who is an Olive Garden manager...).

We all recieved a Commanders Award for Public Service, a medal (it only took me 31 years to get a medal!) and a pretty cool SF cooler.

I have to say, it was nice to be recognized, but at the same time it makes me feel a little awkwards because I don't feel like I am making a difference.  Yes, I stepped up when no one else did, and I helped out where I could, but ...

I need to shut up and just enjoy the honor for once.

Major Leagues

So I admit it.  I know nothing about baseball. Especially about the uniform...who would've thought that there are special baseball socks and shoes... But as of Monday I am now learning.  Mikey has started Tee-ball and so far he LOVES it.  Monday nights practice was just doing simple things like learning what the bases are, and learning how to catch a rolling ball in the glove and snapping down on it with the other hand like an alligator. 

His team is called Arizona State....which has to be the wierdest name ever for a North Carolina county team, but whatever.  And his coaches are great.  They are very patient and kind, yet firm and are all about the kids mastering the basics. And believe it or not, all the parents are awesome too.  We just sit down and watch, laugh at them when they are just messing up and being cute, and are just really nice people.  So far there isn't the parent at the side lines who is trying to be a coach.

Mia has taken to being a cheerleader.  Today the parents got involved and rolled the ball to the kids. And Mia would run up to us  and jump up and down saying "Good Job Monkey!!"  I have to give her props to being motivating.

Todays practice involved batting for the first time.  Mikey was first up.  Now, he's awkwards at the best of times, but trying to get him in the right position and stay like that was just funny.  And he did good hitting the ball and running to 1st base....and then when the ball was thrown to 1st base he thought it would be a good idea to get the ball instead of the kid fielding on that base.  Just plain funny.

The other kids had mixed results too.  Many had Forrest Gump moments where the got to 1st base and then kept running in a straight line.  Others decided to run in the wrong direction, or half way to first and then turn around and run back to home plate. Some were great at hitting the ball, and others were great at hitting the tee.

I know that the kids will improve so much and develop a love for the game and I can't wait to see them grow.  I wish Jeremy were here to watch too because he would be such a proud Daddy.  I guess lots of pictures will suffice.

Ugh

So, there should be a rule that you're not allowed to blog when you're in a bad mood. Because I'm in a mood.  I feel like I need to just yell, kick and scream and cry a bit.  Like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum.

I know what it is.  I'm exhausted, frustrated, in pain, lonely, overwhelmed....you name it and I'm probably feeling it.  Nothing bad has happened.

I've been super busy the last few days. Wednesday I had a meeting with my Company Commander about the roster which was productive and I actually made head way.  We had a bake sale to fundraise, so I went home and baked, and baked....and baked some more.  Triple batches of Red Velvet Cookies, Peanut Butter Temptation, and Caramel Turtle Brownies.  And then I had to individually wrap them all. I think I started at about 12pm and didn't finish until about 9pm....and the cleaning just had to wait because I was just so exhausted.

Thursday morning I was back at Headquarters to drop off the cookies, and meet up with the FRG Battalion Advisor to go shopping for Candy to put in the Easter Eggs. She is actually the Commanders Wife and probably the nicest girl known to man.  She's not the typical Commanders Wife - they usually look like they've stepped out of a Home and Garden magazine, but she is a lot more like myself.  We had lunch at Olive Garden too which was nice.  Mia passed out in the car so I drove around for an hour or so before picking Mikey up.  I had got a phone call saying that I needed to have  a copy of the most recent roster turned in ASAP, so I had to quickly do that before heading to the Mall with the kids.  I've had huge issues with an irritated scalp, mostly due to season change and buying cheap shampoo/conditioner. I hate spending money on salon products, but sometimes you just have to spend those extra dollars for relief. The kids wanted to ride the carousel while we were there too which was fun.

Friday Mikey was off school for a Teacher Only Day, so we were up early.  We dropped Mia off at daycare, then headed to the Dentist for a consult about my TMJ.  Unfortunately I'm still in major pain and I'm desparate for relief.  I was given a stong anti-inflammatory and told to pick up a mouth guard.  It seems that I have an issue where I clench my teeth together, so I need to learn to relax a bit. And while laying on the dentists chair, I discovered that it was not a good idea to let Mikey read a Sports Illustrated Magazine....Oh my, that was a little embarrassing.

Anywho, after the dentist, we headed to Walmart where we picked up Mikey's baseball pants and a glove, then headed to Dicks to get his Maroon socks.  He's going to look so cute! He starts practice on Monday. After picking up Mia, I realised that her allergies that she's been dealing with for a week seemed to have taken a turn for the worst, so I made an appointment for her, picked up my prescription (I had to try 3 different places to get it) and then headed off to the doctor.  It turns out that she has a sinus infection and starting to get an ear infection but I caught it at the right time, so she's back on antibiotics, and singulair.

We had an interesting moment while waiting to pick up her meds though.  Both my kids have a tendency to get hyper when they are tired.  Mia was hopping around the place and accidently crashed into a soldier.  She just sat on the floor in shock, and then started sobbing saying "I want Daddy to come and get me...I want my Daddy....My Daddy in a big Airplane"....It was just so pitiful and broke everyones heart.  One giant soldier turned to me with tears in his eyes and said "Her Daddy must be so proud". Yeah, he is...

Both kids knocked out on the car ride home.  And all I wanted to do was to sit down.  But no, I had a tonne of e-mails to write to people for the FRG, and other e-mails to forward.  My neighbor and her kids came over for a bit, and my house looks like a bomb has gone off in it. 

This morning Mia woke me up at 6am, Mikey came in shortly after, and they haven't stopped talking since they opened their eyes in the morning. I had to go to Walmart this morning which is garunteed to put me in a fowl mood since I hate shopping there, but I needed milk and bread, and I needed to get the security tag taken off Mikey's baseball glove which they failed to do yesterday.

So yeah, I'm just tired. I'm usually fine during deployments because I'm just used to doing everything, and usually I love keeping busy.  But it gets overwhelming sometimes - I've been so busy that the house is a wreck, and I have to clean, but I just want to relax too.  It makes me miss Jeremy because if he was home he could have stayed with the kids while I went and had alone time.  No kids, no jabber jaws, no child wrangling. And he would have picked up the house so there was less of a burden on me. I think when it comes down to it, I'm just wanting quiet time with no Blackberry pinging at me, no people requiring my attention, no mess...just having no pressure. It would be nice to not be constantly running out of patience or constantly feel like I am about to send flames shooting out of my eyeballs.

And it does come down to my goal of spending time and money on me and my own well being...but it's easier said than done.

So, I will brainstorms ways to take care of myself, but meanwhile, I see floors, clothes, bathrooms and a kitchen which is demanding my attention first.